My toddler threw a fifteen minute screaming/stomping/gnashing of teeth tantrum outside of the Orem Distribution Center today. It's his normal ritual after he's been asleep and I have to wake him up. He won't let me near him, so he was standing about ten feet down the sidewalk slamming his hands into the wall of the building.
I patiently stood by. Patient? Lazy? Full of self-control? Full of exhaustion? I'm not entirely sure.
The reactions I received were varied. Most ignored me, probably assuming that would be the best way to handle it.
One woman came out, took one look of horror at him, started to ask me if he was lost, then asked me if it was my child. I said yes. She looked even more horrified, then walked on.
An elderly couple asked, "Who's going to win this one?"
A man passed chuckling and said, "Just wait. It only gets worse." (Come on, really? Do you think a frazzled mother needs to hear that at a moment like this?!)
Another woman smiled at me and said knowingly, "Oh, isn't this a fun age? I have a few grandkids who do the same thing."
After fifteen minutes, one more passerby stopped. He was kind, and offered Grant an unopened package of fruit snacks from his groceries. Before you judge me, understand that if he had been walking out of any other store on the planet, I wouldn't have even thought of accepting it. As soon as he pulled it out Grant immediately stopped crying and started to smile. We thanked the man as he walked away. End of tantrum.
Here's the dilemma: I couldn't decide whether to cry out of relief and gratitude for the compassion this man had on me and my child, or if I should cry out of bitter sorrow for not only the fifteen minutes of resolve I had survived, but also the consequences it will bring to me in the future. I've been working so hard at not bribing or rewarding Grant for poor behavior for a long time, and we've very slowly made a baby step in the right direction. Today the kind man won out, which will now be ten steps back for me. *sigh*
I decided that since I couldn't change it, I'd better just try to see it as a good thing that happened to me. I stole a couple of the fruit snacks from Grant (hey, I'm pregnant, after all!), and that made me feel better.
Naptime
16 years ago
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3 comments:
That one is hard. I get all this resolve built up and then another person undermines my authority (not on purpose) and my life-lesson sinks out of sight.
The good news is that you are almost guaranteed another teaching moment, and if you haven't given up YOUR resolve, you will get to practice all over again. And the results will come.
All good things take time. Has there ever been a quick fix that lasted?
We are so having the same issue, and I too have received varied responses but they say to reward good behavior ignore the bad. You are great to have waited that long I usually cave after five when we are in public. Plus what can you do, the man was probably thinking he just helped you out, being a Mom is harder then it looks : )
Very tough in deed! I get the cruelest looks when I turn a shopping cart around to put my child into timeout inside the grocery store. Timeout doesn't begin until they've gathered themselves and calmed down (which means, I have sometimes been at the store for MUCH longer than anticipated), and then they get their one minute per year old timeout. I've also been given the looks of "that one's going to bite you in the butt" when I've bribed my kids to behave (be good and you'll get chocolate... or my new favorite, be good and you'll get a vegetable sandwich... aka: veggie sub from subway). It doesn't matter what you do, you're going to get looks and comments of discouragement.
With all that, all you can do is trust that YOU know what is CURRENTLY the best thing for EACH of YOUR children. YOU have been blessed with the power to receive inspiration to lead, teach, and guide your children. Always trust that.
So, my suggestion - take it as positively as you can! That was a teaching experience in that, you can share that story with him as he grows to teach him kindness and generosity despite the chaos around him. Ignore that it might not have been the best for teaching him without bribery. Just focus on the good. With your next teaching moment, you'll regain your ground.
And... how nice of Grant to share his fruit snacks... with the BABY of course! That totally wasn't you, that was totally the baby! Doesn't count for you a bit, right?!
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