What I've been up to...

Well, having a new baby has taken up most of my spare time lately. Since it's been ages since I've had the energy to scrapbook, I'll just post our family Valentine's Day text. I'm happy to say that the floor was actually not too messy that day--it's been ignored a lot lately, too!

And here's what else has been taking my focus. It's been three years in the making and now I'm almost finished! After four months of working my tail off and seeing almost no results, I've been getting really discouraged. So today I'm celebrating what I have done, most importantly gaining control of my appetite, health, and body:

Hello, my name is Chelsea Frandsen...

...and I live for food.

I hate exercising (especially running).

And I'm a weight loser. (80 lbs since March 2009, and still counting!)

A weight loser who has, as of late, felt highly misunderstood.

I have lost a lot of weight, and I've become quite sensitive to the reactions I get from people. I guess deep down I really want to help others feel that there is hope--I want my story to be motivating. Instead, I've heard these types of responses: "You're just lucky." "It was easy for you." "You don't understand how it is to be overweight." "You don't know what I'm going through or how hard it is to lose weight." "I'll never be able to do what you did."

It's funny, because I've thought and said these very words myself in the past. For me, it was always easier to feel that somehow the person who lost weight was somehow more blessed than me, or luckier, because that took the pressure off of me to change my life. There were times that my overweight friends would lose weight, and in some ways it felt like a personal affront of some kind--as if we couldn't be friends anymore because we weren't the same anymore. I found comfort in knowing that if someone else would be willing to eat a piece of cheesecake along side me, that somehow we could "share" the calories and the guilt. I tried all kinds of things to lose weight, and it never really worked, so I stopped trying. I started to feel that "I am the way I am, and I can't ever change that." Looking back, I can see that I was following Satan's plan.

To all of you who feel like I don't understand where you are or how you feel, let me just say that I do. I've been overweight since I was in sixth grade, and one month ago was the first time in sixteen years that I could say I was an average, healthy weight. I know the feelings of depression, hurt, embarrassment, shame, awkwardness, frustration, hopelessness, and the pain of knowing I was letting my body control my life. I don't think I'll ever forget those things (though I hope the memories fade a little with time!).

So, here's what I'm going to throw out there, with the hopes that someone, somewhere will feel like I do when I watch The Biggest Loser: "If she can do it, I can do it!" I want others to feel empowered through my success, not threatened or judgmental because of it.

People ask me how I've done it, and I could list the eighty things I've changed in my life to lose the eighty pounds I've lost. But in reality, most of those things came one step at a time and were fitted to my exact weaknesses and needs. Here are the boiled-down essentials that I think are critical for the average person who is trying to lose weight, whether it be five pounds or fifty:

1. You have to want it. I'm not talking wanting like we want a new pair of shoes (which I often do--I always tell Jake that shoes have been the one thing I never had to worry would change in size). If we want to change our lives, our desire has to match that goal. For me, it was realizing that I didn't want any of my friends or family to see me anymore, and seeing that my weight was inhibiting my ability to be the kind of mom I wanted to be. I'd tried to lose weight for over a decade with no success, but as soon as I hit rock bottom and was truly willing to do anything it took, with no reservations, the pounds started to come off. What motivates you? Work to figure that out. Think about it. Pray about it. You'll find it.
2. You can't do it alone. Well, maybe some people can, but it's definitely harder. There is great power in accountability, like standing on a scale in front of other people, or sharing your success (or failure) on a blog, or knowing your friend will be waiting there on the corner at 6:30am to walk with you. For me, having a spouse that was never judgmental but always supportive was one of the key elements to my success. Find that support wherever you need to--family, friends, support groups. Trust me, there will be plenty of people out there who are in the same boat as you, and many of them will want to share in your success.
3. Self-control is critical. I know what you're thinking. This is often the place where people put up the barrier after asking me about my weight loss, probably because it is the hardest part. No one wants to hear about self-control. But if your motivation is high enough, your self-control will raise.  I think this was one of the elements I always failed at in the past, but it is also the element has done some of the greatest good in my recent success--instead of thinking, "I don't want to do this," or "I can't do this," I was thinking, "I have to do this." It was the only option. The greatest asset for me here was success. Once I realized that giving up snacks and seconds was actually paying off, it was easier to control those appetites. Funny how that works. :)
4. Make it about a life change, and not a weight change. This time around I did it right--I knew I was going to need to make changes that were going to stick. It wasn't going to be a quick fix; I needed to change my mentality about food and exercise (and it was a slow process, but well worth it!). For some, perhaps this isn't quite as necessary because only a few pounds need to be lost. But if I didn't change my life, I knew that there were major health problems that would be coming my way. No matter how much a person has to lose, though, I'm a huge proponent of finding the root of the problem instead of cutting away at the branches. Fix the problem. Get healthy. Be willing to replace old habits with better ones. I've never heard of a quick fix for anything that lasted as long as attacking at the roots.
5. Make this change a part of your life. Yes, it is a life change, but it is still your life. If you can't drop sugar altogether, give yourself one treat a day, or one meal a week, or one day a month where you can splurge (here's where self-control comes in!). As far as exercise, well, we are busy people as a whole, and we don't always have time to run marathons (kudos to those of you who do!). Play with your kids. Walk to a visiting teaching appointment. Park at the back of the parking lot at the grocery store. Take the stairs. Mow your lawn. Pull weeds. Wash your car. Vacuum. Walk or run in place while you watch a movie. Hike. Bike. Be creative! Your exercise doesn't have to be what anyone else's is, and your lifestyle change will have a great impact on your family.
6. The Atonement of Jesus Christ doesn't just cover our sins. In Alma 7 we learn that it covers our pains and sicknesses (and I believe that this includes unhealthy,overweight, and obese bodies), and our "temptations of every kind" (including my midnight chocolate or pizza cravings, and desires to relax instead of working out). Even our infirmities, or weaknesses, are covered by the Atonement (which means the Savior understands my lack of self-control, my self-doubt, my fears, my discouragement). He experienced all of these things for me in Gethsemane, and why? "That he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people." (v. 12.) As I have said many times before, the word succor means, "to run to." On those days where I was ready to give in, or even give up, I could rely on a personal Savior who understands my personal needs perfectly. He knows how I feel, and He knows how to fix it--in fact, He will come running to my side to do so! Now that is power! That is strength! That is motivation! I have felt this many times, and I can give a personal witness to its reality and truth. Yes, Heavenly Father does care if we are healthy, and He cares if we are confident within ourselves, because these two things can affect our ability to fulfill the missions we were sent here to perform.

Here are inspired words from a living Apostle of the Lord, Elder Robert D. Hales (Conference Address, April 2009). It was hearing these very words as he spoke them in General Conference that gave me the courage to begin to change my life (emphasis added):

      "Today I speak to all whose freedom to choose has been diminished by the effects of ill-advised choices of the past. I speak specifically of choices that have led to excessive debt and addictions to food, drugs, pornography, and other patterns of thought and action that diminish one’s sense of self-worth. All of these excesses affect us individually and undermine our family relationships. Of course some debt incurred for education, a modest home, or a basic automobile may be necessary to provide for a family. Unfortunately however, additional debt is incurred when we cannot control our wants and addictive impulses. And for both debt and addiction, the hopeful solution is the same—we must turn to the Lord and follow His commandments. We must want more than anything else to change our lives so that we can break the cycle of debt and our uncontrolled wants. I pray that in the next few minutes, and throughout this conference, you will be filled with hope in our Savior, Jesus Christ, and find hope in the doctrines of His restored gospel.

     "Our challenges, including those we create by our own decisions, are part of our test in mortality. Let me assure you that your situation is not beyond the reach of our Savior. Through Him, every struggle can be for our experience and our good (see D&C 122:7). Each temptation we overcome is to strengthen us, not destroy us. The Lord will never allow us to suffer beyond what we can endure (see 1 Cor. 10:13).

     "We must remember that the adversary knows us extremely well. He knows where, when, and how to tempt us. If we are obedient to the promptings of the Holy Ghost, we can learn to recognize the adversary’s enticements. Before we yield to temptation, we must learn to say with unflinching resolve, “Get thee behind me, Satan” (Matthew 16:23).

      "Our success is never measured by how strongly we are tempted but by how faithfully we respond. We must ask for help from our Heavenly Father and seek strength through the Atonement of His Son, Jesus Christ."

I've put this to the test--even commanding Satan to depart when he was tempting me to eat extra pancakes at breakfast. It's amazing how well it has worked!

So, there you have it. All the rest are frivolous details of how I put this plan into action in my own life. If you feel inspired, please share this with those you love who feel like they are the unlucky, the unblessed, who will never be able to change. You can! How can you fail when you have the guidance and support of Deity?!  I hope that the work I've put in to lose weight will go far beyond my smaller dress size. I pray that someone, somewhere, will feel, "Hey, if she can do it, I can, too!" And I'd love to hear your responses and your stories.

Will it be difficult? Of course. Worth it? Most definitely! Was anything worthwhile ever easy? The freedom you will feel as you gain control of your life will be worth every tear, every drop of sweat, every moment of difficulty.

"Shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory!" (D&C 128:22)

Century Marker

Yesterday I got on the scale, and to my surprise discovered that I am now officially one hundred pounds lighter than I was the morning before Grant was born, exactly eighteen months ago today. Granted, that includes water and baby weight, but still, it's a great feeling!

I appreciate all of the encouragement and comments I've received--it helps me to know that what I'm doing is working and worth it. It's funny, though, how almost everyone that says, "You are looking great!" immediately follows with, "How did you do it?" Now, I actually enjoy being able to talk about the things that are working (and that don't), and I always start by saying, "I just changed my lifestyle. I eat better and I exercise more." And nearly every single time, their face falls and they respond with, "Oh." Then we talk about how great it would be if there were some magical quick fix. I think I have disappointed a lot of questioners who are hoping I'll share some new secret. Sorry, but this is what works! Yes, it's sometimes hard. But it is more than worth it!

We have been really busy since the beginning of May, and hopefully one day soon I'll have a couple of hours to sit down and record everything we've been doing since the middle of April (zoo trips, family wedding, missionary sent out, several family reunions). I'm feeling overwhelmed about it, but I need to bite the bullet!

Weight No More II

I need to add that the biggest help in all of this has been Jake. He has been wonderful! He reassures me when I'm feeling down, and he compliments me when I've done well. He's always telling me (without me even having to ask) that I look thinner. Even better, I know that it doesn't matter to him what size I am, but since this matters to me, he has been my best cheerleader. I love you, Jake!

Weight No More!

I've had several people ask for details about my weight loss, so I'm going to open myself up a little here. Plus, I'm so proud of how far I've come! :D This is long-winded, so be prepared.

Let's start at the very beginning, well, not the very beginning. Let's just say that I've never been thin (nor am I now), and weight loss has always been a struggle for me. My pregnancy was a difficult time because on top of high water-retention, I have mild arthritis, which made standing all day long while I taught pretty much a nightmare. There was no way my feet could handle working out once I got home! In fact, there were times that the pain was so bad I was afraid my feet were just going to give way and that I would fall on my face while standing. This is necessary to understand, because this was the reason I gained so much weight during my pregnancy.

Grant was taken by emergency c-section three weeks early because my blood pressure was skyrocketing. Here's the weight breakdown for the month or so after he was born:

On December 30, I lost 7.5 lbs of baby, 2 lbs of placenta, 2 lbs of amniotic fluid (11.5 lbs). During the next two weeks, I continued to gain water to the point that my maternity clothes didn't even fit. During the month of January I lost 20 lbs. of water (whew!). I couldn't even start to exercise until the middle of February because of my surgery, and even then it was slow-going. I was very careful what I ate and was doing all I could, but I wasn't losing anything.

It was so frustrating! I've never been that heavy in my life; my clothes didn't fit, when I exercised my knee and hip joints would get so achy I could barely walk the next day, and I hated the sideways glances from others at my stomach (not kidding, people stare at large bellies, even in the middle of conversations with the chubby person), I didn't enjoy being in pictures with my brand new baby, I cried often out of self-pity and frustration, and I felt horrible about myself. One night I realized that I didn't want my friends and even extended family to meet Grant because if they did, they would have to see me, and I was humiliated with my size. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I didn't want to live this way! I wasn't sure how, but I knew I was going to make changes.
[right: taken Valentine's Day, after 30 lbs of baby and water were gone; left: taken a little earlier]

In addition to all this, I have other, bigger, motivators. First, I want to do all I can to protect myself from dementia, like my grandfather had--exercise and health will help with that. Second, if I develop high blood pressure with my next baby, a c-section will be the only option. And once I've had two c-sections, my doctor won't let me try a VBAC with any subsequent children.

So....

I started by going to WebMD for tips, and discovered a weight-loss calculator. I plugged in my weight, age, gender, and other details, and it told me how many calories I needed to be consuming to lose 1-2 lbs per week. Then it had me enter every single piece of food I'd eaten that day and counted the calories--this was the real clincher, I believe, in my ability to start to lose weight. It was incredibly eye-opening to see just how many calories a tiny piece of chocolate contains, or even how many a banana contains. I was eating healthy foods, but was eating too much of them. I wasn't gaining weight, which was a good sign that I was eating pretty well, but I wasn't going to lose a pound until I changed the portion sizes.

So, by the time I started tracking my weight-loss, I'd already lost 30-35 pounds (most of it was baby and water, though). Here are the things I've done, many of them new tricks in my book, to lose another 40 since April:

• track a days' worth of meals on WebMD once a week
• exercise 5 times per week
• Wii Fit and Wii Active -- very helpful during the bitter cold and boiling hot months, especially with a baby
• weigh self 1-2 times per week (Wii Fit has a great calculator that tracks progress and helps me stay motivated)
• WALK -- I've heard many places that successful weight-losers do this a lot. I hate running, and it's way too hard on my joints, but this is something I can (and will) stick to
• switch to skim milk (I've held on to my 1% way too long)
• eat whole grains for most of my carbs
• always eat breakfast (Multi-grain Cheerios, measured out, is a favorite)
• use a smaller plate and smaller fork (now I am full on WAY less food, so my stomach must be shrinking)
  
• eat slower (I had terrible habits from college days where I had no time to eat, so I was always ahead of my stomach's signals)
• stop eating earlier in the evening
  
• gather healthy recipes and tips (some work better than others!)
• research and plan my menu before going to eat out, and then asking for a to-go box at the beginning so I can put half of my food into it right at the start
• not snacking (another bad habit, this time borne from pregnancy--if I do snack, it has to be nutritious)
• not drinking my calories--I've fallen in love with Crystal Light and Sobe Zero LifeWater
• not rewarding myself with food (especially after I've worked out)--this one is a hard one...
• eating whatever I want, in moderation--the minute I tell myself no to a food, that is the only thing I can think about (often, I find that junk foods aren't as appealing as they used to be, now that I know how long I'll have to work out to burn it off)
• allowing myself one small treat per day (yes, as Crystal said, Smart Choice fudge bars are my new favorite splurge--delicious 100 cal bar with fiber and very low fat)
  
• allowing myself one big treat per week (like pizza, but with the grease dabbed off)
• allowing myself one day per month where I can eat whatever I want (usually saved for a special occasion)
• Weight Watchers tips from and motivating discussions with my cousin, Crystal--I think I'm a fan of this program!
  

At first, the weight just fell off. Now I'm to the stubborn fat that I've been fighting my whole life, but I'm determined to make this work! For me, this has been a lifestyle change more than anything. I don't feel like I'm constantly depriving myself of things, but I'm in more control of myself when it comes to how much I eat and how I exercise. I'm only halfway to my goal, but this is something I feel I could keep up my entire life. I feel better about myself and about life now.

Often, I've felt in life that I would never be able to lose weight--that it was just not within my power to do. Here's a quote from Elder Neal A. Maxwell that really has helped me recently:


"Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage."
CR, Oct. 1976

I was the only thing standing in my way, and when I got the courage to really break down and do what it took, I was successful. I hope to lose 40 more pounds, but if that isn't in the cards for me at least I can feel like I'm doing all I can to be healthy and well-balanced.

I feel great!

Finally!

I've finally hit the 40 lb mark! The last 15 pounds have been quite a doozy, but I finally lost it. I still have a long way to go but I'm on my way. After having success (after years of struggling) I'm feeling much more motivated to keep the lifestyle I'm now living. I can do hard things!

The Whole Snacking Experience

I've always been a snacker, but recently I've cut it down to one snack per day (unless I'm truly hungry), and I try to keep it on the low side of the calorie count. Today I tried something new.
I heard years ago that if you are craving chips to eat a pickle because it will satisfy the need for salt and for crunch. I thought back on that when I needed a good snack this afternoon, but I was really in the mood for chips and salsa (one of my favorite guilty pleasures). Luckily, I didn't have chips. Pickles would probably be disgusting with salsa. But what about cucumbers? Again luckily, we had one from our garden that wasn't too bitter to eat (unfortunately, most of them were quite gross because we've let them grow too big). I dropped a dollop of chunky goodness onto my cucumber slice and............it was great!!!! Not quite as good as a tortilla chip, but I'll settle for this healthier version. Four tablespoons of salsa is 20 calories, and my cucumber is a negative calorie food, so for all I know I could be losing weight as I eat this.

Cucumbers + salsa = guilt-free snacking!!!

More to Love

It was like watching people recite lines from my journals and past thoughts, and as intriguing as it was, there was something so sad and pathetic about this new reality show on Fox. "The Bachelor" producer decided to put together a version of that show that was all about plus-sized women, and it was almost like watching a train wreck. At first glance, I thought, "Wow. This could be a really good way to help people understand that overweight women really are beautiful and are just as fun and intelligent and desirable as minus-sized women."

But Jake put it perfectly when he said that he can't watch any more episodes because it is just too depressing. These women are so desperate and sad! I don't think a single one has ever had a boyfriend, and several of them said they've never even been on a date in their lives (and these are mid-twenties to mid-thirties women). After they'd met him for a total of about 30 seconds, many of the women had already decided that if he proposed to them they would say yes.

Five of them had to go home after last night's show, and they were sobbing because, as they put it, their hopes to find love were over. They each said that they had used this as sort of their last big push before giving up hope of ever dating. Now, you might think to yourself, "Get over it! There are other guys out there, and reality tv isn't the place you want to find your match, anyway." But speaking as one who's been there, I can tell you that it isn't so easy. It's so hard when you know the reason you don't ever get asked out on a date is because you don't look right. Luckily, I found a guy who loves me how I am, not despite how I am--but it took until I was 25 (which in Mormondom can often seem like old maid age).

Is it necessary to list every woman's height, weight, and age every single time she is on the screen? We can all see she's plus-sized. They would never do that on the regular Bachelor shows... The other thing is that all of their interview questions with the women are about their weight and how it has affected their lives. Painful, and repetitive, answers don't make for much of a joyful experience as a viewer.

Although I think the idea of the show is awesome, and although I can relate to many of their fears and frustrations, it would be heart-wrenching to have to watch more and more of them get kicked off each week, dreams and hopes shattered. I don't like that kind of reality....